Once upon a time....

Thanksgiving break. Wednesday afternoon to Sunday night. A good, long time to relax and get caught up on school work and errands. If only things fell in place so neatly.....

Yes, this past weekend was a complete bummer! Why, you ask? Because it drove my sanity haywire! I began doubting my discretion, attitude, my wisdom. A total self-indignation it was! And to be honest, I have not completely recuperated from this disparagement. The only conclusion I could come to was to shun the causes of these troubles. I have never been good at convoluted thinking, or understanding the mind games being played by guys, and I hate having to find myself being fooled into thinking that a friendship is normal when in fact it is not!! I think I am clear with friends about my expectations and limitations, and it vilifies me to see their wishful thinking. And you know what desecrates me even more? It only hits me when my close friends tell me that things are abnormal and that I should have acted in a more cold and mature manner!

Times like these make me wish to get rid of my naivety so that I could recognize the convoluted minds and not give them the benefit of doubt. And I know that I have not done anything half as bad as it sounds, but the shock of my stupor lingers to make me feel inferior.

That's it, I am growing up, even if it requires being mean to every sly person. No more sympathy for weird outcasts, no more benefits of doubts for anybody, and no more toleration of immature behavior!


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“Life is nothing but a competition to be the criminal rather than the victim.” - Bertrand Russell
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It is mind-blowing to think about how many professors and professionals I have been meeting and learning from this quarter! Ahh, I love being in school (minus the acad pressures :P) ..

There is something that distracts me. There is something that I have to consciously stop myself from doing. I like to stay detached from people and things so that I will not be lachrymose when things don't turn out as expected. And yet, this silly mind of mine is eager to connect to the most ephemeral of all things, and to the obviously momentary vanity. What will I do with myself?? Thanks for all the distractions, Shreya, and now if you will excuse me, I will have to castigate myself by pulling another all-nighter....

Why are guys so uncultured? Why do students come to class in their PJs? Why is it so annoying to sit next to shabby students? hmmm... maybe a little background will shed light on my rhetorical questioning. So I wake up at 5:30 a.m., get ready, study for my evening quiz, get breakfast and go to my 8:30 am class. I sit next to a guy in a red sweat-shirt, not knowing that he is one of those people who have just got out of bed to rush to class without changing out of their PJ's and freshening their morning breath. So ten minutes into the lecture, and you can see that everybody has settled into their seats, this guy starts scratching himself on and off at awkward places on his body. I try to avoid him, but I always end up catching a glimpse from the corner of my eye while I am looking at the professor. But thankfully, he does stop after half an hour of periodic scratching, and opens up his big mouth to yawn! And so there comes the reeking smell of the morning breath. I was so restive (irritated) that I considered storming out of my seat and taking up a new one farthest from any other unkempt student, but I restrained myself thinking that the class would be over soon and I could go running to vent out my frustrations on this blog. Just kidding, but I did loathe myself for putting up with the torture... arrghhhh...

I do not like the end of Daylight Savings Timings! It is only 5:30 pm but it is pitch-black outside! *sigh* So depressing....

Have you ever had times when you have to act like a parent to your parents while they unknowingly act like an innocent kid? I have, and in fact, today was one of those days. I played along with them in the same ebullient spirit about something significant, even though I could foresee the lurking of unwholesome news. I acted the way I did simply because it seemed mean to bog them with harsh truths while they were having one happy moment in life. And so like every other parent who knows their child will learn by herself with time, I belied my fears and balked short of warning them. Now with all that in hindsight, the only question that I am pondering about is, "God, when will I become a child again?"