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Hi there!
I am back! Back after an eon of exciting, life-changing events. Back from a black hole where all my time and energy got sucked into grabbing on to the roller coaster ride of life. And back because I missed the quick remediation of a muddled head as soon as I start laying out my thoughts in a legible form in front of me. I have been using Twitter and texting to disclose my feelings from time to time, but have always wished I could blog on my phone or buy a mental translator that could type up my thoughts and post them online.
So anyway, just wanted to let the blogosphere know that I am back and back like a smoker who tried to quit but couldn't resist staying away from her addiction for too long! And although I don't have much to say this time, I just wanted to put it out there that I miss my blog friends and I should plan to visit their pages soon!!
Later amigos (and random visitors)!
Jab We Met - Part I
My love story sounds like the screenplay of a Bollywood movie. As clichéd as it may sound, it did make me believe in the ‘Someone somewhere is made for you’ theory. Or maybe that love is blind and confusing.
Rewind back to early August of 2008 and you would see my parents anxious about the lack of a “suitable” match for their only daughter who has now graduated from college and entered the real world. They were super afraid of relatives using ‘over twenty-five years of age’ and ‘unmarried’ phrases in the same line for me. My parents are not orthodox, but they are certainly traditional as might be evident from their inflexible demands of finding a highly educated (read as doctors and PhDs only), good looking (fair skinned preferred), intelligent, cultured (never has spiky gelled hair), Gujarati Brahmin boy whose family is from the same hometown (or should I say village of North Gujarat) as them. Trust me, I had no qualms about any of these requirements, but of course, I had to have my own constraints so that I would not end up with a doctor from India who would then come here and study while I worked. I wanted “the guy” to have studied and lived in the US for at least four years, have an enamoring profile with a down-to-earth and pleasant personality, AND had to absolutely enjoy dancing as a hobby. I had described all these requirements for my match to a few friends when it came up in conversation and they had all sympathetically admitted the infinitesimally small probability of finding a guy who met all the criteria. I wasn’t concerned though – I wanted to keep my independence for at least another couple of years before falling into the quagmire of in-laws and household responsibilities.
To be continued....
20 Funny, Clueless, Weird, And Existential Google Keyword Searches
by Rob Garner , Wednesday, April 8, 2009
A couple of weeks ago, I lost my keys and must have searched my entire house and car at least three times trying to find them. After that last round of searching, I plopped down in a chair in front of my computer, exasperated. With an open search box in my peripheral vision, I continued to ponder where they might have possibly gone. At that moment, I could have used something like a Google Key Finder. Imagine an RFID setup for the keychain, combined with a more detailed version of Google Latitude (complete with a home floor plan), and then I'd type in "where did I put my keys" and be on my way.
Then I wondered, had anyone actually ever entered "where did I put my keys" into a search box? I went to the Google Keyword Tool to find out. Sure enough, there was a search for "where did I put my keys" with an average of 72 searches per month. Another variation was "have you seen my keys" with an average of 22 searches per month. No keys, but perhaps they felt a little better venting into the search box.
As I continued perusing the Google Keyword Tool, there were a number of other dead-end and clueless searches to be found. Among the other lost items people rely on the Google search gods to find:
- "Where did I put my glasses" with an average of 320 searches per month.
- "Have you seen my stapler" with an average of 390 searches per month.
Realizing that there may be more of these to be found, I went seeking other terms, and scored big time:
- "Who is buried in Grant's tomb" was entered 1,000 times per month on average. The joke is over before the results even hit the screen.
- "What is the number for 911" averaged 36 searches per month. For their own safety's sake, let's hope they figured this out.
But wait - there's even more. A search for "what is" yielded the following gems:
- "What is my name?" was searched 40,500 times per month. Is it a song, perhaps? Maybe they woke up after a rough night out on the town that landed them in front a Google search box? Or maybe there is an epidemic of amnesia?
- "What is my religion" got 320 searches per month. I don't even know what to say about this, other than it strikes me completely strange that someone would legitimately type this into a search box.
"Why am I" also turned up a nice list of stemmed oddities. These two were my favorites:
- "Why am I hot" netted 9,900 searches per month. This phrase is one of two things: A use of the search box as the new "mirror on the wall" for those puzzled by their own hotness, or a question posed by people unaware of the methods of cool air circulation.
- "Why am I always so hot" was searched 36 times per month on average. These people are not just hot, they're always so hot, and they don't know why. Maybe they should go to the front page of Google Hot Trends, and keep hitting refresh until their name appears, and then they will know.
(No, refreshing the page will not make a name come up in Google Hot Trends).
Other "why am I" searches often turn up information that might actually satisfy the searcher, but are still interesting nonetheless. These include:
- "Why I am so tired" - 5,400 searches per month.
- "Why am I sneezing so much" - 16 searches per month.
- "Why am I so broke" - 16 searches per month.
On the existential side of things, the following searches stemmed from (and included) "I am":
- "I am" - 7,480,000 searches per month.
- "I am here" - 550,000 searches per month.
- "I am me" - 201,000 searches per month.
Along the more intellectual side, "what is the meaning of life" has an average of 22,200 monthly searches. Of course when I think about the meaning of life, I think Monty Python, and also found the stemmed phrase, "what is the air speed velocity of an unladen swallow?" with 1,590 searches per month. But did they mean African, or European?
Many people who lost their mojo rely on Google to get it back. "Who stole my mojo?" yields 91 searches per month. And for others, Google is also the trusted source for finding stolen dogs ("Who stole my dog?" averaged 12 searches per month).
It's possible that some of these folks may be hitting the wrong box, presumably mistaking search for a chat, or IM client. But for the others, it's much more interesting to leave it to the imagination to decide.
English Bloopers!
I definitely don't think my english is bad, but every now and then I will say something inappropriate to the occasion, and hence there is this conscious effort on my part to reduce the blooper blunders.
One that I remember right now is...
- "A few days back,..."
Back is supposed to refer to position and NOT TIME!! So the correct english is "a few days ago" sheesh!
- "Nice meeting you.." when the Senior Manager told me that we'd be in touch.
Hah.. Such a bad response! Even though the syntax is correct, my logic isn't! This was the second time I was meeting her and I knew I would be emailing her some materials, so it would have been more appropriate to say some other generic greeting like "Have a nice day, talk to you later". Bah, Baloney again!!
- More of these faux-pases when I remember them... Right now, I am just glad to get off work on a Friday! :)
रब ने बना दी जोड़ी ??
Do you believe in soulmates? In finding the one who was made for you? Do you think marriages are made in heaven? What is your take on the arranged marriage gig for Indian families?
Along with these questions, I also have some news for you. Are you ready to get shocked? If you are, then you should know that I just found my match. The families have decided to have an engagement ceremony as soon as they can settle on a good muharat. Only time will tell if I found a soul-mate, but I definitely think I found a highly compatible match, which was surprising given their rare nature imposed by my family's requirements.
And think not you can
Direct the course of love,
For love,
If it finds you worthy,
Directs your course.
~ Khalil Gibran
Hmmm....
Show me the money!
Our current economical situation has gained too much press and maybe for good reason! I have been totally hooked to following new developments in the economic world and I seriously pray that President elect Obama or the Fed and the populace can start cranking the monetary flow again!
A Leap of Faith
I arise in the morning torn between a desire to improve the world and a desire to enjoy the world. This makes it hard to plan the day.
E. B. White
Life consists not in holding good cards but in playing those you hold well.
Josh Billings
Gravitation is not responsible for people falling in love.
Albert Einstein
People who are sensible about love are incapable of it.
Douglas Yates
Unfortunately, I might fall in this category!
People change and forget to tell each other.
Lillian Hellman
A relationship, I think, is like a shark, you know? It has to constantly move forward or it dies. And I think what we got on our hands is a dead shark.
Woody Allen
SelfCleansing
The Neo-Vedanta website has links to some really good articles around spirituality. I have read most of their collection about Swami Vivekanand, and I am always inspired by people like him who can find a deeper meaning in life and have devoted themselves for the selfless service of other less fortunate beings.
It is amusing to see how one's beliefs change over the years - I, for one, went from being indifferent to an athiest, then becoming an agnostic, and now becoming a believer. Who knows what Truth is for sure? :)
"Whosoever comes to Me; through whatever form, I reach him; all men are struggling through paths which in the end lead to Me"
- Bhagwad Gita
Serendipity
While trying to google "Why should I get an MBA", I accidentally landed on the site "Why should I get married".. The result? See it for yourself -
Every man should get married some time; after all, happiness is
not the only thing in life!!
* Anonymous
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An archaeologist is the best husband a woman can have; the older
she gets the more interested he is in her.
* Agatha Christie
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Bachelors should be heavily taxed. It is not fair that some men
should be happier than others.
* Oscar Wilde
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Don't marry for money; you can borrow it cheaper.
* Scottish Proverb
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I don't worry about terrorism. I was married for two years.
* Sam Kinison
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A psychiatrist is a person who will give you expensive answers
that your wife will give you for free.
* Anonymous
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Bachelors know more about women than married men; if they didn't,
they'd be married too.
* H. L. Mencken
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Marriage is a three ring circus:
* engagement ring ---wedding ring ---suffering
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When a newly married couple smiles, everyone knows why. When a
ten-year married couple smiles, everyone wonders why.
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Love is blind but marriage is an eye-opener.
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I take my wife everywhere, but she keeps finding her way back.
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I asked my wife, "Where do you want to go for our anniversary?"
She said, "Somewhere I have never been!"
I told her, "How about the kitchen?"
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We always hold hands. If I let go, she shops.
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My wife was in beauty saloon for two hours. That was only for the
estimate.
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She ran after the garbage truck, yelling, "Am I too late for the garbage?"
Following her down the street I yelled, "No, jump in!"
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Badd Teddy recently explained to me why he refuses to ever get
married. He says "the wedding rings look too much like miniature
handcuffs....."
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If your dog is barking at the back door and your wife is yelling
at the front door, who do you let in first?
The Dog of course...at least he'll shut up after you let him in!
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A couple came upon a wishing well. The husband leaned over, made a
wish and threw in a penny. The wife decided to make a wish, too. But she
leaned
over too much, fell into the well, and drowned. The husband was stunned
for a while but then smiled, "It really works!"
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Before marriage, a man yearns for the woman he loves. After
marriage, the "y" becomes silent.
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It's not true that married men live longer than single men. It
only seems longer.
* Anonymous
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"A man without a woman is like a fish without a bicycle."
* U2
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"Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the
street bald and still think they are beautiful."
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A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can
spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man.
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The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday is to
forget it once.
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When a man is single, he's incomplete. When he's married, he's
finished
It's a catastrophic success!!
I don't know how I lived without reading and making sarcastic comments for almost a month now! So here's what I came up while surfing the net at work!
Sarcasm-just another free service that I offer!
National Sarcasm Society-Like we need your support!
Why get high when there are other ways to achieve a smug sense of superiority?
No I won't go to hell! I've got a restraining order!
Some people are like slinkies-basically useless, but yet it's so amusing to watch them fall down a flight of stairs.
A good friend helps you up when you fall. A best friend laughs at you and trips you again.
Silence is golden, duct tape is silver!
Few women admit their age, and few men act theirs.
My knight in shining armour turned out to be a loser in aluminum foil.
When life gives you lemons, ask for a refund.
I know kung fu and 50 other dangerous words.
(Old one) Work fascinates me. I can sit and stare at it for hours.
If you like sarcasm as much as me, you would also enjoy reading: http://www.coolnsmart.com/sarcastic_quotes/
Put that smile back where it belongs!!
Till next time then, Vaarwel!! :)
दीद यू नोटिस?
The title: Did you notice?
I changed my blogpage! Now you can vote using the buttons below. Hopefully you'll all like this revived and colorful template that I picked!